Meltdown
by SapphireXSerpent
Summary: Post AC. Rufus does Tifa a favor by babysitting Marlene. Four Turks, A Shinra President, and a six year old. What could happen?
1. Prelude to Disaster

**AN: Hello! **

**Summary: Post AC, Rufus does Tifa a favor by babysitting Marlene. Four Turks, A Shinra President, and a six-year-old. What could happen?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own FFVII, that would be Square-Enix.**

**Enjoy! **

Rufus cast a glance over to the little girl sitting in an office chair.

Reno's office chair.

It was one heck of a fight to get him to agree, but Elena and her high-heeled boots persuaded him eventually.

The girl sat there wringing her wrists and twiddling her thumbs, while idly swinging her legs back and forth. Wearing that same sleeveless turtle neck and white skirt, with a pink ribbon in her hair. The same ribbon _she_ had worn those years ago. The flowergirl.

He had heard she had died. Murdered really, by the great general Sephiroth. Shame.

But, that was of no relevance to what was happening now.

He had done Tifa a favor by doing this, though not of his free will. Tifa's punches _really hurt. _One glare from her and he rose his hand, saying "I'll do it."

It shouldn't be _too _complicated. She was only six after all.

Looking at her again, he remembered the time Reeve had brought her to him.

-------_flashback, 2 and a half years ealier------_

Rufus lazily laid back in his huge chair in his darkened office. He spared a bored look to the man standing in front of his desk.

The man was Reeve Tuesti, a Shinra company executive. Leaning forward in his chair, he looked over his desk at a small brown haired girl. The girl's hand was clutching Reeve's, and she grasped a small robotic cat in her other arm.

Rufus mentally shook his head. Reeve and his toys.

The girl looked up at him with fearful eyes and whispered. "Papa...!"

He smirked and looked back up at Reeve.

"...the transaction with the keystone is complete and..."

Rufus frowned. Why did everyone in this company have to be so boring? Well...the turks were..._fun_...in a way.

"...Kyah-I mean Scarlet, is working on the Sister Ray..."

Scratch that, Reeve was hilarious with his nicknames.

"...AVALANCHE is headed towards..."

Rufus slammed his fist down on his desk. "Enough. What about the girl?"

Reeve looked down at the child. "Sir, I don't think kidnapping children was a good idea."

Great, Reeve and his 'morals'. I'm surprise he hasn't turned into Aesop yet. Heh, Aesop. Have to tell that one to Reno.

"Shut up." That made him quiet."The girl's an effective blackmail device. She'll stay until we reach the Temple of the Ancients and complete our plan, understood?"

Amazing how I sound so professional. W-O-W.

The girl scowled up at him, obviously angry at being treated so much like a thing instead of a person. Some object you would steal from your sister to get the last piece of candy. A doll perhaps.

Hmm, philosophical moment there. Need to stop listening to Hojo so much.

"Papa, Tifa, and Cloud will come, I know it!"

He leaned forward and patted her head, even chancing a grin while Reeve was looking away.

"We'll see kid, we'll see."

She released her hold on the cat and dove her hand into her pocket and pulled out...oh, it was a gun, he knew it! No wait...a flower. A yellow one. Well, he was quite the idiot.

Glaring at him, she tossed the flower into his face, scattering petals all over his desk.

Reeve gasped and Rufus growled. "Take her away...now."

Reeve, eyes wide, lifted up the girl and started to carry her away. She peaked over his shoulder and stuck her tounge out at Rufus.

Rufus's eyes went wide and his mouth opened in an 'Eh?' way. Too late, the door clicked shut, leaving the young president alone.

He looked down at his petal covered desk. It was quite the mess but, what's this? A pink hair ribbon...?

Hm, wait. This flower was crushed and moist...She had ruined his files! That...little...

--------_end flashback---------_

The girl had quite the temper. She might be a handful, but...he had the turks here. How hard could it be? It would be easy. Right? Right...?

**AN: Oh gosh, this was so fun to write! I love it! I shall be continuing it! Hey, I bet I'm the only person to write a fic where Rufus and Marlene interact, aren't I?**


	2. The Disasteriffic Plan!

**AN: Thank you for the kind reviews. Glad you like!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own FFVII, that would be Square-Enix.**

**Enjoy!**

Rufus stared at the little girl, still wondering what to do. He wasn't at all good with children. That was Reeve's job. But, Reeve wasn't here. Oh dear.

Wait...'Oh dear'?

My, he was getting old. Using such metaphoric terms and rhyming. Holy.

Anyway, back to what was happening.

"Yo boss, what are we gonna do?" Incompetent Reno. He was oblivious. And used slang too much.

"Hey, she stole my chair! Don't I deserve something?" Reno asked.

"Reno, you'll deserve a swift kick in between your legs if you don't shut up!" Good Elena. She always knew how to handle the situation.

So, we have some time to kill. _Toooo...killll._

Marlene crossed her arms. "I remember you! You took me from Auntie Elmyra!" The girl was very observant. It only took her thirty minutes to figure that out. I do love sarcasm. Heh.

Elena got up and walked over to the girl. "Hi sweetie! What would you like to do today?"

Marlene smiled up at the blonde woman. "I want to go to the park!" Typical. We should have know that already. I mean, it's a kid. They love sissy stuff like that.

Reno, sitting in the back of the room, spoke up. "Okay cool, I love the park." He said lazily.

Now that was a WTF moment. He would have never guessed that Reno was a sissy. He was ashamed. ASHAMED.

Marlene huddled deeper into the chair, giving Reno a frightened look. Interesting.

Rufus got up and crossed his arms. "Alright then. I guess we'll go to Parry Park."

Tseng raised his hand slightly. "But Sir, are you sure you want to go?"

Rufus nodded. "Of course, it's the least we could do for AVALANCHE."

"Least?" Reno said incredibly.

Of course, you moron. What did I just say? No, too harsh.

"Yes Reno."

"How do we get there?" Rude inquired.

Reno suddenly raised his hands. "Wait, wait. I have an awesome idea. We can use Rude's head to reflect the sun, melting a nearby cinder block into a car. It's genius I tell you!"

W...T...flying...F? As 'Reno' as that is, W...T...HOLY...F...?

Elena rose her eyebrows in an odd way.

Tseng was just totally 'HOLYSH!TOMFGWTFBBQ'.

Rude gave Reno the signature 'Glare O' DOOM', which was usually reserved for Tseng.

"Reno...how moronic are you? Did you...hit your...head or something?" Rufus asked.

"I think...he's been messing around with the TV too much..." Elena pointed out.

"Reno...I am going...to kick...your...ass..." Rude threatened.

Tseng was speechless.

"Reno, just for that, you have to carry the kid." Ah ha! Rufus _can_ get back at him. Ah ha! Victory shall be mine! Cough.

Marlene jumped up from the chair and gave Reno a horrified look. She shook her head violently and ran over to Rufus, throwing her arms aroung his waist and shouting "No! No! No! Not him!"

Way to go Reno. Now the kid needs therapy. Wait, why the hell is she hugging me?

Reno grinned at Rufus. "Looks like she wants you Prez."

Reno could be quite the cheeky bas-

"C'mon Sir, let's get out of here." Elena said, waving her hand towards the door.

What, _I _have to carry her? Why?

Grumbling, he looked down at the girl. She clapped her hands in delight and exclaimed, "Piggyback ride, piggyback ride!" Oh great.

Frowning, he picked up the kid and let her cling to his back. It wasn't easy. The girl was pretty heavy, and he was struggling to keep her from sliding off. Marlene was grinning at Reno the whole time, and Reno winked at her.

"Let's go!" Elena said, smiling as she opened the door.

Rufus thought he heard a snicker as he walked out into the entrance to the Healin Lodge.

**AN: W00t! This is so fun! Yah, what's gonna happen at Parry Park? What is going on with Marlene and Reno? Do they have some sinister plot? What will happen? Will AVALANCHE enter the scene? Who gave Reno such a retarded idea? Why am I asking you all these questions? Why am I using Spongebob references? Does anyone even care that I'm writing this? Okay, tune in for the next chapter of 'Meltdown'!**


	3. Getting There, Plus Hair Pains!

**AN: Thank you for such kind reviews! You know what? I love 'The Simpsons'. You'll find out why.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own FFVII, that would be Square-Enix.**

**:Smirks at Vampire Toy:**

Though the weight of a child was hard on his GeoStigma weakened back, Rufus continued to huff and puff to carry the girl.

Marlene seemed to be enjoying herself. Giggling, pulling his hair, and yelling at him to 'Go faster!'.

Up ahead, Reno was telling Elena about a TV program he had watched.

"Yeah, this thing about resurrection. It was pretty cool. Hey, did ya know you can be resurrected as an animal?"

Elena sighed. Yes yes, Reno was such an idiot. "No Reno."

"Well," Reno grinned. "If I ever come back, I want to be resurrected as a butterfly."

Elena gave him an odd look. "Err...Why a butterfly?"

Reno smirked at her. "'Cause no one ever _suspects _the butterfly."

Rude cast a glance at Reno. "That sure explains alot..."

Honestly, his turks had the weirdest conversations. Like the time Reno attempted to explain what 'Yaoi' meant. That did not end well.

So, he was carrying the girl, wondering why he was, and why he had ever gotten himself into this situation.

Oh yeah, fear of the 'ZOMGPMSingTIFA'. That was it.

"Heeeeey," Reno drawled. "I saw this other thing, on the TV, that was hilarious."

At that point, Rufus's phone started to ring, but he could not exactly _reach_ it.

Reno stopped walking. "Oh my god, that was it!" And, instantly gaining an Aussie accent, he began:

_"Oh yes, the mating call of the rare Cellius Phonius. Native to Technologic Town, Pocketville, and Whitemanswhitecoat. Known to know over a hundred different languages, including 'Moto', 'Jazz', and 'Disco'. Also known as the complicated language of Ringtonia. Annoying yes. To make it stop, please, answer your phone."_

Elena stiffled a giggle.

Tseng found this highly amusing, but did not show it.

Rude was happy there were no bald references.

Rufus glared at Reno.

Marlene copied Rufus and glared at Reno. "Be nice to Mr. Baggy Pants, you meanie!"

What? Baggy pants? I find these quite comfortable! Aren't they flattering? And Reno's joke? Idiotic, as usual. Very Reno. But, my pants are fine, right? Right...? That's the second time I've done that...They were on clearence! (And by clearence I mean a million gil but...) They look good, don't they? They don't...they don't make me look...old...do they? Aren't I totally bishie in these pants? (Sapphire quite likes them but that's beside the point...)

Hmm, now Reno was attempting to balance a cell phone on his head.

"Reno, what are you doing?" He loved sounding so professional...

"I'm attempting reflect the sun off the cell phone, and melt that cinder block over there into a car. I hate walking." Heh, no Rude, eh?

"You think you have it hard? I'm carrying a child on my back!" My, my, I do believe that was a 'Caption Obvious' moment right there.

"You try carrying her. I demand it." Being the boss was such an enjoyable job...sometimes.

Grumbling, Reno went over to pick Marlene up, and lift her onto his back. They girl squealed with delight, and tugged on his ponytail, causing him to yelp in pain.

Elena snickered at Reno's misfortune.

Reno, annoyed, scowled at the ground and began walking foward, not paying attention. This caused him to walk into a tree, spin around dizzily, and fall forward. Marlene was not hurt, thankfully.

Tseng, who had not been looking, saw Reno collasped on the ground, and Marlene sitting beside him, dazed.

"Hmm, it appears Reno has ran into a tree." Way to go Tseng, you've earned the title of Caption Obvious.

"Rude, you carry her now." What will happen to _him_?

So, Rude lifted Marlene onto his back, like the other men did and began walking.

Marlene, interested in seeing a head with no hair, craned her neck to look at his cranium better.

"Hey Mister Rogaine, did you know your head can be used as a mirror?" That crossed the line in two ways. One, he had enough of that Rogaine Rude crap from Reno and two, the bald thing was too much.

Rude instantly crouched down, slid the kid off of his back, and started to walk away.

Rufus glanced at the last remaining male. "Tseng...?"

Tseng shook his head, fearing what the girl could do to his precious hairdo.

Tseng, he was a little _too _attatched to his hair. What with all those hair shampoos and conditioners. It was...strange, to say the least.

"Oh c'mon Tseng, stop obsessing over your image. It's just hair." Good ol' Reno, always brutally honest.

"Hey! It's not just 'hair', it's _art_." That was just...weird. Who else thinks Tseng needs to go to a mental hospital?

Rufus gave him a strange look. "Tseng, just do it."

Elena piped in. "No need to! We're here!"

Well this...sucked. It really did. Extremely unfair.

Tseng had a trace of a smirk on his face as they entered the park.

Reno had a scowl.

Rude a frown.

Rufus a 'WTF?' expression.

Elena a smile.

And Marlene a grin as she ran to grab ahold of Tseng's hand.

**AN: So, w00t. Another chapter! Why did I spare Tseng? 'Cause it's 12:07 PM here, and I'm dead tired. Hey, are there any spelling errors in this? I need to know. Hm, not much else...unless...Can anyone guess what part was from the Simpsons?**


End file.
